Is your ego running your life?

shaylee edwards
4 min readApr 17, 2023

The ego is kind of like a book you write about yourself. You make notes about what you do, can’t do, should do, desire for, aspire to, etc. It’s like a collection of ideas that explain and describe you.

Or at least what you *think* to include in the book. There’s a lot of you that you can’t see. And, this is kinda funny, you also go into your book and make notes from other people to and about you. Or rather, what you think they think. You make notes of that, too.

You spend a pretty silly amount of time and energy background-worrying if you’re staying consistent with what your book says about you. You even want to stay consistent with the negative notes and the ones you already know aren’t true.

You can become reallllllyy protective of this book, these ideas of who you are. You consult it constantly and pretty much instantaneously. ‘Hmm, let me see what that’ll mean for my yearbook, my image.’

Spiritualists give the ego a bunch of sh!t because it does make life a bit harder for you to be present and live freely. Much of what’s in the book is untrue, or outdated. A lot has likely never even been helpful.

What’s ironic is that being mad at egos or having a contentious relationship with yours is just more ego.

So then what’s not ego?

Original photo of a Christmas tree wig at Fifi Mahoney’s at 926 Royal St, New Orleans

The ego is kind of like a yearbook you keep with just pictures of you. You put captions about what you do, can’t do, should do, desire for, aspire to, etc. It’s like a living personal history. Or at least what you think to note as your personal history. And, this is kinda funny, you go into the yearbook and write notes from other people to and about you. Like, you think what you think they’d think and you make notes of that, too.

You spend a pretty silly amount of time and energy background-worrying if you’re staying consistent with what your yearbook says about you. Get this, you even want to stay consistent with all the negative remarks and the ones you deeply know aren’t true. Over time, you can become reallllllyy protective of this yearbook, this image and idea of who you are. You consult it constantly and pretty much instantaneously. ‘Hmm, let me see what that’ll mean for my yearbook, my image.’

Spiritualists give the ego a bunch of sh!t because it does make life a bit harder for you to be present and live freely. Much of what’s in the yearbook is outdated and has never been helpful. It’s pretty imaginary (almost 100%) and yet it’ll cause all types of ‘real’ drama within and around you. What’s ironic is that being mad at egos or having a contentious relationship with yours is just more ego.

It’s your heart, man.

It’s when you forget about yourself and just do what’s to be doin’. No, not like you forget to eat and have a home. Like you forget to think of yourself and you live. It’s a lot easier than referencing your you-book because then you can make new choices. Which is helpful because the environment, no matter how ‘the same’ it looks, is always new, too.

It also gives you a break from thinking about what you think others are thinking. I find that one pretty amusing. Let’s look at it, you aren’t even using what they actually think. Only what you think they think. Like you could really know. Lol. Like they even know. Lol. Chances are good they’re not seeing you anyhow except with and through their own book.

The ego gives you the illusion of control. It’s not even real, it’s only what you think to put in it. I know people who have spent their lives without using their most beautiful and brilliant gifts ’cause they didn’t have them noted.

If you want to start to do something about your ego, practice breathing. Really. That’s it. Anything more complex than that is just more ideas about yourself and what you think you’re doing. Breathe yourself out of your mind chatter and into your moment and practice taking a look and feel around. What’s here? What’s happening? How do I feel? What do I want?

You have to be a little childlike and forget you’ve been pretending to know WTF is happening and what it means. You have to… and this might scare you… delight a little in the miracle and the mystery of life instead of dread and fight it.

An ego isn’t a bad thing. It isn’t anything. It’s just an idea. To put your you-book on the shelf for good, give yourself some time and develop a practice of noticing when you’re using it instead of the truth — you’re an indefinable, limitless expression of the divine.

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