This paper isn’t for everyone. This paper is only for you if you want to and have wanted to do something different in your life. Maybe it’s a new job or at least not the one you have now. You might not be in a relationship and long for one. Heck, you might be in the wrong one and really want out. It’s possible you keep entertaining the same drama in your family life, making not-so-good health choices, or wasting your time or money on BS stuff. Any of that sound familiar?
Ok, then this is for you. This paper is for the stuck and frustrated.
What we need to do first is take judgment away from your predicament. Sure, you aren’t doing what you could do or even what you want to do. Does that make you a bad person? Should you feel bad about it? Let me ask you this — does feeling bad about it do anything? No. If it did, most people would be fit, rich, and in love. They’re not though and it’s because beating yourself up about what’s ‘wrong’ isn’t a sustainable or even effective way to make it ‘right.’
That means before you read the rest of this paper, I need you to put your inner trash-talking in a pair of these boots. When you hear it, pretend to stash it in some boots and bring your focus back to what’s happening right now. We’ll call this practice booting. Pick any pair.
The inner trash-talking will only get in our way because, as I said, it has no value. None. You know if what you’re doing is working or not. That’s all the information you need. Anything beyond that is counterproductive.
BUT WAIT! I’m going to point out a very important thing right now. That voice inside of you that talks trash might now start talking trash about you talking trash. See how tricky that is? But that’s not helpful commentary either. If you notice ANY trash-talking, even if it’s trash-talking about you continuing to trash talk, boot it.
That’s your number one job in this process and is actually the real change maker. Boot inner trash-talking. Why? It doesn’t do anything except burn your energy and bring you down, i.e. make more trash. I don’t need you to just read this and believe me. Take time with it and kick it around. Look at your patterns of inner trash-talking and see what’s really happening. What role does it play in your life? What results, good and bad, does it generate? What’s it really doing?
From what I’ve seen, and I still want you to do your own research, is that it’s just an ironic pattern we picked up. Just a habit of narration that we learned from one place or another. It’s not good for us. It’s not what we do naturally. It’s just something we got in the practice of doing. What a relief, right? That means it can and will lessen and then stop as you practice other ways to experience and inner comment on your life.
We could tie the importance of this booting strategy to quantum physics, cellular physiology, neuroscience, law of attraction, and other magical ideas. But for this paper, we don’t need to. At a very practical level, inner trash-talking can be seen as useless and let go simply for that. It just doesn’t do what you Think it does. Period.
Let’s summarize this boot talk so we can get to work on the real reason you’re here. The point of inner trash-talking, or so we think initially, is to make ourselves do better. Ironically, it does the opposite. It pulls down our confidence, energy levels, and ability to be present. It distracts us and worsens the problems it intends to fix.
I want you to be able to recognize and boot all of its many forms, so here are some fancier, sneakier types of trash-talking:
- Pretend conversations that explain you or what you’re doing to other people
- Rehashing past decisions and mourning possible lost futures
- Circling reasons why you don’t deserve something or how you’ll never have it
- Ignoring your progress, good attributes, and wins by focusing on what you think were missed opportunities or errors
I’m about to tell you the silliest part of inner trash-talking— and it’s really silly — the whole point of it is to corral us into doing things or being someone that we can feel good about. The inner trash-talker wants us to feel good. It’s on our backs because it wants us to create conditions that we can feel good about it. It wants to control our lives so that they’re good. It’s supposed to make us feel good Later.
Here’s the silliest part — it does it at the expense of us feeling good NOW.
Lol, right? In pursuit of a later good feeling, it messes up our current good feeling. Let me tell you, I was looking for Later for a while and I was shocked to find out it doesn’t exist. There is no Later. There is only Now. A bunch of ’em. And if you can’t learn to let yourself feel good Here, you sure as heck won’t be able to feel good There.
That concludes Episode 1.
Your homework? Practicing using your boots and look out for Episode 2.
Wait! Before you go — here’s how to practice. Booting inner-trash talk means imagining putting non-productive thoughts in the pair of cowboy boots you picked out earlier. When you notice inner dialogue that’s not supportive or helpful, you boot it and bring your mind to something else. Think of it as changing the channel your mind is watching.
Pro tip: Take on practicing incrementally instead of as a massive overhaul. Here are ideas on how to do that: 1. You can ‘stack’ practicing on something you do most days, like driving home from work or cooking breakfast. That means while you drive or cook you practice noticing inner-trash talking. If it comes up, boot it and take your mind to what you’re doing instead. 2. You could also pick a topic you inner-trash talk about a lot and give yourself a vacay from it for a day or two. During that time, when you notice your mind go to that topic, you remind yourself you’re on vacay, boot the dialogue, and put your focus on something else. Both of these ways help you build up the mental awareness and stamina to boot more easily and nautrally.
If you know this is you and you’re ready to make moves ASAP, you can schedule an info call. I’ll hear where you are, where you want to be, and tell you what we can do to get you there and how fast. That would be for a customized program I build and facilitate for you. Learn more about packages here. If you only want a little guidance to begin to bust up the tension and stuckness, you can schedule a single session here.
See more of my offerings, podcast appearances, and social platforms here.